sometimes i am such a wuss

auto rock : mogwai
click here or on the image below to listen

Has a song ever made you cry, and not in a contemptuous smart-ass kind of way? In the wide range of human emotions, nothing is as confusing and unreal as shedding a tear over a song that has no sentimental meaning to you. I was standing at a bus stop the other day, staring at nothing, iPod in my ears as usual. The morning had been perfectly ordinary: a slice of bread, a swig of orange juice, fumbling with my keys, waiting for the elevator, a foggy horizon, an elderly man walking his dog, a breath of autumn, missing the 8:40. I could call for a shared cab but decided to wait for the next bus, which was to come in 18 minutes. Alone at the station, I crossed my arms by force of habit, and rested my back against the billboard . There was nothing in particular to occupy the mind. I focused on the music. What was this quiet intro? An 18-second soundtrack to the birth of the universe? And then came the piano, calling, heaving, a stirring succession of notes pulling me out of my early-morning indifference. And before I knew it, an invisible lump had welled up in my chest, beating with every pound of the drums in the song, growing larger with the rise in its volume, and finally forcing a tear from the corner of my eye. I looked down and pressed my lips against my fist. Another tear fell. I turned back to wipe my cheek. The pounding only grew louder. Was this a never-ending crescendo? All I could do was wait for the song to end, and it did with little warning, a sudden break after a rush, rug pulled from under feet, throwing me into a wall of questions that had no words but spelled the same: What the fuck just happened?

alone in kyoto : air
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I will never know, and I don't care enough to find out. All I know is that Auto Rock continues to haunt me, minus the tears. I could not connect the song to anything in my memory – unlike Alone In Kyoto, which comes from the soundtrack to the film Lost in Translation. I saw it shortly after it came out and really liked the score, especially the intro where Bill Murray was being driven from the airport to his hotel. I remember the part of the film where this song was used. Three scenes, in fact: a Japanese couple marching to their wedding, holding hands; Scarlett Johansson tying a strip of white paper on a wishing tree; and again her character half-bouncing on a trail of circle steps. The film succeeded in resonating the isolation and alientation of travelers. This song brings to me that kind of sentiment; it doesn't make me weep, but it sure isn't happy. Even without the memory of the film, the song actually stands on its own as a mild blow to the heart. If the trilling vocals don't release butterflies in your stomach, then congratulations for not being the wuss that I am.